Last weekend my baby brother got married. It was a great reminder to me about how far time has taken me. Sometimes the years go by, birthdays come and go, but I don’t feel the age. It is only in moments where something immeasurable occurs that I feel the weight of all the years of my life.
Josh was always the sweetest of us all. The most kind and protected of us. He was the only one who we banded together to protect against the world outside and often inside. He was what we would come to consider our better angel.
Even at a young age he was so full of love. He sought out beauty and pulled it out of everything he touched. The dreamer, the poet, the musician wrapped in life’s romance. He was the easiest person to love in the whole world because he would always give back. He always wanted everyone to know that they mattered and even if we disappeared on him for ages, he would smile when we returned because inside of him we never left.
It didn’t surprise me at all when he had found someone as creative and lively as he was; someone who could put up with all of his crazy siblings. I worried about so many things leading up to the wedding: it being in the evening, possible rain, an outside wedding… in October, but I never once worried about whether or not he would be happy. This was something that was already there, beautifully apparent in the finest details. They put together their wedding just as they put together their lives, uniquely fun and engaging, alluringly vivid. For as protective as we all were about him, it didn’t feel like we were letting him go. He could only add to our lives.
On his wedding day I was given the honor of taking their photos and to say I was nervous is an understatement. I’d never taken wedding photos and I don’t like taking photos without daylight, but I was quite determined. Time moves so very fast, but for these moments I was able to trap it. To keep them there with their smiles, their joy and all the years ahead of them and give them a gift that could amount to the love he’s given me all these years.
Taking photographs reminds me that sometimes there are moments that last a lifetime in minutes and others that feel like minutes within a lifetime. We don’t get to choose how time moves within or around us, but sometimes we can capture it. It is our way of holding on to ourselves, just as the mountain does the valley when the water wears away at its edges.
My baby brother will always grow a year older, he may eventually have children of his own and make me feel really old, but I will always see him as he was on this perfect day with his beautiful bride and the whole world ahead of him.
Thank you for giving me the chance to stop time.
Your big sister,