I was thinking of Cody today and all of our times together when it was just the two of us. The life I lived before is beginning to feel so foreign to me; my memories become the memories of a stranger. I missed so much with him, so much time slipped through my fingers while typing claims 9-5 with an hour commute each way. There was so much beauty in us that I hadn’t felt at the time. I was so alone as a single Mother that sometimes I hadn’t seen it. I let it pass by me while I was consumed with not feeling good enough for someone else. To look back and realize that I had always been good enough for someone that was already with me makes me sad. Oh, how much time I wasted.
We don’t realize it when it is in present form. There is always tomorrow and tomorrow becomes another day until months, even years, have gone by and they’re grown. They’re ready to embark upon manhood or womanhood while you are still expecting them to be children tugging at your pants leg saying, “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.” He is almost grown now and all the things that seemed so important when replying, “Just a moment!”, I realize were never important.
Cody is my first son. I had gotten pregnant at 16 and decided to keep him much to the dismay of the twig/cult I was in. I worked hard though and with the help of my Mother we brought him into the world. Our life would be difficult, a road paved in sacrifices too many to count and marked by my tears for everything I could not give him. We made it though, for what it is worth, I brought him to this good life. I just wish I didn’t miss out on so much along the way.
If there is anything I can press upon you today it is to realize before it is too late that nothing else matters. Tomorrows pass us by faster than you realize and what seems like a small thing you are missing out on may become the largest moments you’ll never have. Hold on to your children for as long as you can. Listen, no matter how much the nagging “Mommy” word becomes irritating when you are trying to get something done. And most of all Stop. Stop moving so fast and look around you because they’re growing right now. Right at this moment they are growing and before you know it they’ll be men and women with their busy lives telling you, “Just a minute, Mom! I’m trying to do something.” And you’ll wonder what happened? What happened to all the time.