My hair is falling out again. I try not to stare at my brush in the morning but it’s getting difficult when the sink gets covered in red strands. I lose a handful everyday and am only thankful I’ve been blessed with thick hair, though I’ve been wondering if I should consider hats in my future. I am feeling just a little under the weather so it makes me sad. There have been a few days I’ve just went without brushing my hair and keeping it wrapped into my black clip just so I can ignore the fact that it’s coming out again. I suppose I can’t dodge the doctors any longer.
My story began with “Little White Pills for Breakfast” where I talked of my Hypothyroidism and Spinal Arthritis. Later I had updated regarding a doctors appointment where I found I had Pernicious Anemia and then afterward I would go to a back doctor and he would give me shots without telling me the possible side effects and I would have the fat atrophy at a point by my hip. I suppose you can see why I just didn’t feel like going to the doctors anymore.
The other day I woke up early, walked into the kitchen to get Judah a cup of juice and experienced an awfully strange feeling in my right hand. I finally realized it was pulsing and having hot flashes, I ignored it until it went away but after a few days of intense nerve pain I have the loss of some feeling in two fingers. That coupled with the hair loss has made me more compliant. It’s time to return, time to undergo the long series of tests I’ve put off. Time to find a new back doctor and time to finally get myself back on track (again) and stop ignoring things that aren’t ever going to go away.
“Pernicious anemia is a disease where large, immature, nucleated cells (megaloblasts, which are forerunners of red blood cells) circulate in the blood, and do not function as blood cells; it is a disease caused by impaired uptake of vitamin B-12 due to the lack of intrinsic factor (IF) in the gastric mucosa. It was termed “pernicious” because before it was learned that vitamin B-12 could treat the anemia, most people that developed the disease died from it.”
“Feelings of numbness, tingling, weakness, lack of coordination, clumsiness, impaired memory, and personality changes can all occur. Both sides of the body are usually affected, and the legs are typically more affected than the arms. A severe deficiency can result in more serious neurological symptoms, including severe weakness, spasticity, paraplegia, and fecal and urinary incontinence.” – Medicine Net
I never really liked shots to begin with. I actually have all these scars from the multitudes of years that doctors have taken my blood and now I have little red dots all over my thighs from this needle. I can’t explain what it feels like when you hit a nerve in your leg and everything goes completely numb for 15 minutes, I suppose it’s a great way to understand paralysis; or when the needle is thrown out of your hand from the pain of hitting what feels like a ‘live wire’ and then you have to get the courage to do it again. My husband knows I have to take shots, but he doesn’t see my face cringe. He doesn’t feel the sickness in my stomach when I stare down at the end of the needle and eventually have to find a place not pricked to stick it into. I don’t think anyone realizes the extremity of it. This needle keeps me alive.
I need a way to make this negative thing a positive thing. I need a way to motivate myself into becoming a ‘healthier’ me so I stop ignoring the doctors. I need support. Which is why I’m going to try and look into new things, Foods and Recipes rich in B12. Information regarding Thyroid & Anemia problems and ways to control or assist those areas. I’m really passionate about this blog and perhaps if I put that passion towards my Health I can gain a sense of control over it and regain my strength; or meet others that have similar issues and not feel so alone. Until then… I toast my weekly needle, my lifeline, to you and thank you for understanding my inconsistencies lately.