Last week my little guy got pretty sick and after awhile I knew it was going to hit me pretty good. Over the weekend I collapsed under the weight of it and gave up trying to function. If it wasn’t for my husband, I’m not sure how I would have even crawled out of bed.
I wonder what happened though, to all that inner strength I used to have. When I was a single parent and there were obligations, like a 9-5 job that I couldn’t miss, the apocalypse couldn’t have kept me in bed. I went to work sick, broken and half disabled under the weight of lack of sleep. I remember days of forcing myself through 8 hours with an abscessed tooth and no pain medication, just to pay the bills for one more day. I rarely took sick days, if ever, and if my son kept me up all night with no sleep that just meant it was going to be a long day with a lot of coffee.
I often think of these things. How comfortable I’ve grown into the life of being with a partner, being married and not having the life and death concerns one faces as a single parent. More so on these days that I get really sick though and find myself laying in bed staring at the ceiling, in and out of consciousness and knowing I should pull myself together and yet just fall back into oblivion.
I miss my tot though, who bounced out of it after a few days. How wonderful it must be to have that young enthusiastic immune system! I’m getting older and mine is getting too tired of these pesky colds that keep attacking it every month or so when the weather changes. Pre-school has brought on new little bugs creeping in our house from dozens of other kids at school and I feel like I’m dousing myself in antibacterial soap.
I’m still coming out of the daze of being ill, but I’m getting there. Thank god for my husband and my eldest son these past few days who’ve allowed me all the time to try and get better.