Time has escaped me. It travels so quickly that it almost seems to evaporate; boiled by the hours that simmer away. There is only this residue left circling my mental pot at the end of the day, waiting for me to remove the memory of it by pouring in another 24 hours. Sometimes I wish Life would turn the stove off so I can sit awhile, rest in the moment rather than the lingering remembrance of it’s passing.
I’m turning 31 in June. It isn’t a remarkable birthday. I’ve already passed up the decent ones: 10, 13, 16, 18, 21, 25 and 30. The next big one will mark my year into seniority, 50 or 60. There will be black balloons and jokes about how quickly I’ve aged or a year closer to falling off the deep end. Until then I have a good 19 years left to which I’ll rejoice by being just as un-remarkably lazy.
My 30th birthday hit me pretty hard at first. I remember so vividly thinking my Mother was old when I was young and seeing her in her 30s (sorry Mom). When I was younger 30 marked the age in which a woman should be married and have at least 2 children or she was considered to be moving towards the spinster avenue of Life. Even though times have changed drastically in the last few decades and even our Life lines are longer, wherein we don’t start facing the end of the road until roughly 90, I was cursed with this idea that 30 was the end of my road as a woman. I had reached it. It was all downhill from there. Ha! It was a completely irrational feeling that didn’t coincide with my reason but nevertheless was capable of making me mourn my 20s.
For my birthday my husband bought me a gift card to Forever 21. It was the most perfect gift at the epitome of my fear of aging. He then let me gouge myself on sushi until I felt I would pop. It was a beautiful day and I realized that all my fears were silly. It was 2010 and I had a good 60 more years of life on me. I age well just as my Mother and her Mother. I took the next day off and went and shopped for clothes that said, “LOOK I CAN STILL LOOK 21”. Or I felt that they did. It was my happy moment, just me and a clothing store and a gift card. Nothing beats that.. well perhaps a nice long nap.
So I’m over my hump, moving on up. When I was a single Mom I had planned to be in Fiji on my 35th birthday, Cody would have been 18 then and it was to assist in nursing my empty nest wounds. I have another little boy now, my Judah and a very handsome husband if I do say so myself! I suppose that more than makes up for my lack of a Fiji trip in four years. Maybe… I’ll get back to you on that.
Someday I’ll get the hang of getting older and it won’t affect me so much. As time passes and I start being called Ma’am and looked at as an elder to my son’s peers, I’ll find some comfort in it. Eventually. I toss my fears and my worries into Life’s pot at the moment, I watch them boil away with the hours of my everyday and with a little dish-soap I rinse away the residue of their memory. The silent tick-tock of Time goes by…ever on… ever onward.
Do you have a special birthday memory?