The Ridiculousness of the War Against Women Topic – SAHM vs. Working Moms

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war on women

War: 

  • a conflict carried on by force of arms, as between nations or between parties within a nation; warfare, as by land, sea, or air.
  • a state or period of armed hostility or active military operations: The two nations were at war with each other.
  • a contest carried on by force of arms, as in a series of battles or campaigns: the War of 1812.
  • active hostility or contention; conflict; contest: a war of words.
  • aggressive business conflict, as through severe price cutting in the same industry or any other means of undermining competitors: a fare war among airlines; a trade war between nations.

I’m a little late with the news on this so-called ‘War on Women’ due to the fact that I actually have a life, but it has triggered some impulse in me to write about it. As a once-upon-a-time single career Mom turned stay-at-home and blog Mom, I have the understanding of both worlds; or at least enough to say that it’s entirely ridiculous. This idea that anyone could go to war with women and the fact that women are rising to the bait to attack each other in communities of SAHM vs. Working Moms. If you are also a little late to the topic, this is all in regards to Obama’s adviser’s (Hilary Rosen) comment about how Ann Romney had never “worked a day in her life” as she is a stay-at-home Mom. This led to a possible war of words between women and other women, but not really anything else. A lot of people have nothing better to do than argue about things consistently.

Here’s the truth, however, not all Stay-at-Home Moms are the same and not all Working Moms are the same. The best visual I can give you is Betty Draper – Francis in Mad Men. She’s a Stay-at-Home Mom but she really doesn’t do anything. Her kids have a Nanny, they have lots of money and she gets to go and do lots of fun and entertaining things. Then there are Stay-at-Home Moms like the rest of us who get by and have to clean our own homes, some of us school our own children and we’re expected to be everything from the door-mat to the queen of the Nile. So as much as I try not to base things on perceptions and keep to my understanding that everyone is different, I am under the idea that Romney makes a very, very decent amount of income to which his family has no concerns with and his wife probably is involved in lots of clubs and fun things. She came from a privileged family as well and this is all a nice pretty picture. She probably didn’t work until she got a ‘job’ being a Mom. (Also note: I think the whole idea that Motherhood is a Job is also absurd, it’s a gift.) So many of the issues that face Stay-at-Home Moms aren’t probably what she faced or faces daily. That’s a whole different side of the picket fence, not saying that people on that side of the fence don’t have concerns, etc. It’s just not what a lot of women are fighting and bickering about with Working Moms over. You have to see it in perspective.

lonely rose
 
In regards to Working Moms, well … having been there… many of you, I’m sure, don’t have the choice but to work and there are many of you that would consider staying at home a ‘luxury’. This in regards to Obama talking about his wife in difference to Romney’s, “We Didn’t Have The Luxury For Michelle Not To Work”. That’s a pretty normal, typical statement from someone, regardless of whether he’s the President or not. When I was working full time, 80+ hours a week with a 4 hour commute and only saw my son maybe an hour a night until the weekend, staying at home did seem like a luxury! Not because it meant there was no work involved, but because children are like gold and the time with our children is priceless… being capable of seeing my child every day would have been a luxury for me. I would have loved it and now that I get to see him every day he drives me crazy! And that’s what Stay-at-Home Moms are like, “What the bleep are you talking about luxury!” Because we know! I came to the other side of the fence so happy to be here, stay at home with my children, read some books all day and realized – Holy, crap. How’d I get into this mess! Okay.. sorta. There are days when the work at home piles up so much I wish I could just run back to the office and hide behind a desk.
cubicle
Being a Stay-at-Home Mom and a Working Mom both have their challenges and I believe there isn’t anyone more in tune with that subject that Work-at-Home Moms who are hybrids of these two. They’re at home with their families but they also have careers to support them, which I – personally – think is incredible.

But this is not a War. This is two groups of people being sensitive and a few politicians trying to drag us around for some votes. We are better than that. Look at it from the outside perspective. The President (no matter what you feel about him) didn’t say anything ‘wrong’. He just was looking at his wife’s life in comparison to another man’s and I will tell you what… I’m sure your husband or significant other would do the same! (My husband better!) They’re on a whole other level over there, he came from the wrong side of the tracks with a single Mom that worked hard to give him the life he is living as Romney lived the other life with certain privileged that I’m sure he can only understand in the position he is now with his children. You have two people from very different lifestyles and it’s getting everyone all tied up in knots.

sisters

Stay-at-Home Moms, Working Moms and Work-at-Home Moms are like Sisters. We love each other, we are envious and jealous of each other and sometimes we think the other is completely ridiculous. We pick at each other’s lifestyles and we poke fun at each other, but in the end we are family. At the end of the day we have to agree to disagree and look at the whole picture. We are Moms, deep down in the essence of all three of us, we are all Moms that work especially hard to take care of the children that will one day run this country for good or ill and the time we spend ‘warring’ on each other is the less time we can figure out how to heal the things we need to to keep our children safe.

Just my two cents. I write with my sisters on here, my real sisters and my friend sisters and many times I don’t agree with them and we bicker like little old ladies all the time, but I love them and I know deep down that we all mean the best for each other and for our families. So the next time someone tries to get you into an argument about SAHM, Working Moms or WAHM’s – remember that. We’re all a part of the same whole, we all can’t live the same lifestyles and who would want that anyway? We’d have less to gossip about.

About 

Amanda is a stay-at-home Mom of two boys, a teen and a tot. She loves to share stories, talk about education, movies, books and coffee. A big supporter of community building and outreach, Amanda shares many activities, entertainment and events in her local area of St. Louis.

Comments

  1. Kat of EmKatCreations says:

    I think you’ve put this whole brouhaha in perspective. Thank you.

  2. royalegacy says:

    I think we SAHMs have the toughest job.

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